Sometimes... A poem about autism parenting.



I feel tired. 

Tired of painting on my smile, 
Tired of being in control, 
Tired of being everything to everyone. 

I want to let go... 

Sometimes I don't want to fight about
How long he's been on the computer...
Or listen to
It's not fair.

Sometimes I don't want to hear about 
Problems at school,
Disagreements with friends 
Or which is the best character on Super Smash Bros. 

Sometimes I don't want to know about 
'Normal' children
Birthday parties
and fantastic reports.

Sometimes when I ask him for the millionth time;
Have you flushed the toilet, brushed your teeth, 
Remembered to put on your shoes 
I just want to

S
T
O
P

Sometimes life is like 
Playing the wire loop game. 



I need a good
Sense of inner balance 
And a brilliant amount of control 
To keep moving on.

Sometimes the game isn't fair!
Our loops are harder. 
One false move,  
And start again...

Sometimes I don't want 
To play the game...

Sometimes I don't want to 
Go to therapy,
Or think,
Or feel...

Sometimes I don't want
To be strong.
I want to cry at the injustice of it all.
Why us? Why my son???

Sometimes I dream about 
what might have been if...

Sometimes I just need 
Someone to say; 
Yes it is 
Shit...

Sometimes... 
I need to feel sad and disillusioned
That my child has autism
Without feeling guilty!

Sometimes...



This is a revised post. 

I wrote this poem last year but wasn't happy with the end. This is my revised no holds barred post.  I can't always be positive...





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