I don't kiss my son...

/



Dear friend,

I come from a family that is quite big on public displays of affection. The thing is I was never really comfortable with that. I have been told on more than one occasion that I wasn't a cuddly baby and when anyone tried to sit me on their knee, I would fight and say, down, down... I remember feeling uncomfortable at being forced to kiss auntie Jane with her prickly chin and large mole and family parties filled me with dread...


My grandad bucked the trend too and flatly refused to kiss anyone. He hated it! If you tried (which some family members often did to wind him up) he'd mutter something about diseases and disappear...

The Dutch have got this kissing business pegged, because although the number of kisses has increased, three (yes you heard me right, three) my adopted countrymen don't mess about with lips, you are firmly presented with a cheek and most kisses just fail to meet skin and simply provide an illusion of affection.

It came as a huge surprise to unaffectionate me when my son was born that I had this overwhelming need to smoother his tiny face, arms and legs with kisses and blurt on his amble belly, smiling happily whilst listening to his squeals of delight.

We kept up the family traditions of kissing goodbye and goodnight to relatives but my big lad always presented his head for kissing rather than his lips. He never clung onto me when I lifted him up and he would happily run off at playgroup without a second glance to where mummy  was... I always knew he loved me, he just didn't have the need to grasp my leg or wrap his arms around my neck to show it.



Little man was different. He clung to me like a baby monkey and curled up on my knee, seeking affection. He smothered me with kisses and sought closeness, staring into my soul with his huge brown eyes... I never even realised that I had been missing something...

When big lad was diagnosed with autism some things made more sense...

His over sensitivity to smell means he knows what you ate or drank an hour ago, his over sensitivity to touch means the stubble on uncle john's chin feels like sandpaper on his cheek. Close proximity makes him stressed not feel loved...

I know that my eldest son loves me, he just shows it in a million tiny ways. I don't feel sadness, regret or lacking in anything. It is simply who he is... I get it...

But I also get how it can look to others...

I have been accused of showing favouritism to my youngest son, I have been told; He likes cuddles too... I have been warned to be careful!

And not by strangers...

I want to set the record straight. I don't kiss my son. I don't kiss him because I love him...

I don't kiss him because it doesn't make him feel good.

I go against every fibre of my being, every feeling that courses through my body when I look at him with immense pride, affection and love because he doesn't want it!

Why force unwanted affection on him?

To make you feel better?!

I don't confuse affection with love...

I do tell him a million times a day that I love him...

So please don't judge my parenting... No, I don't kiss my son!

And neither will you!


My favourite link ups...

Reflections From Me Rhyming with Wine Diary of an imperfect mum #PointShoot Tammymum Diary of an imperfect mum Post Comment Love You Baby Me Mummy OneDad3Girls Laura's Lovely Blog The Me and Mine Project
©animperfectmum ~ www.diaryofanimperfectmum.com 2014 - present day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to animperfectmum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Back to Top