Parents' evening


Tonight was a night of stress and fear.
I have bitten my nails down to the stubs
Sprouted a few more grey hairs,
Snapped at my unsuspecting husband
And bossed my kids around.

My head is full and I can feel
The panic crawling it's way up my body.
Why, what is it that is so Scary
It is invading my very being?

Parents evening...


It begins with a mad dash home from work
I can bet that tonight will be the night that
The traffic lights fail or
It begins to snow
Making my journey twice as long.

I arrive home looking like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards
So hungry that I could chew off my own right arm.

I shout hello to the boys and switch on the kettle.

Dinner involves some kind of pasta and sauce
Something quick to force
D
  O
    W
       N
Everyone's throats
(I eat standing up in the kitchen
making the packed lunches
Cleaning up the mess).

I run up and down stairs 20 times
Collecting PJ's and dirty underpants for the washing,
Attempting to tidy myself and the house up a bit
Before Grandma and Grandpa arrive to babysit.

I try to make a cuppa,
Whilst listening to Child 2 read
Telling Child 1 to do his homework
Stacking the dishwasher...

The kids are thrown into the shower
Regularly given time warnings
Like a nuclear missile is about to explode.
You have 10 minutes,
Now it's 5,
Now 2,
1,
That's right 1,
You have 1 minute...
Have you washed your hair?
Let me smell it!
(What doesn't anyone else do that?)

Somewhere in between all the chaos I end up;
Searching for a missing teddy,
Refereeing a wrestling match,
Icing a bumped head
Remaking a bed.

I switch the kettle on again whilst making the kids supper.
The dog needs letting out...

Kids are eating supper,
in front of the TV
(only way to get them still).

Grandma and grandpa arrive.
Half an hour early...
Meaning I have to engage in
Idle chit chat
and give instructions about bed time etc

I switch on the kettle.

I realise just on time.
I haven't had a wee since 10 o'clock!

Hubby reminds me that we need that piece of paper that was sent home last week.

Have you seen it?
It was on the side table.
Yes last Monday!
A mad panicked search ensues.

The little man begins to whinge,
It must be time for bed.
I yell last one upstairs is a stinky tomato and
Run!

I supervise teeth brushing, toilet trips and administer bedtime kisses.
Little man requests stories and cuddles.
OK but a short one...

I don't want to get up but I climb out of bed and make my way downstairs
to the sight of hubby surrounded by papers
he has emptied the entire 'filled with crap' drawer...

An argument ensues:
I've tidied up and thrown it out
V
If you were tidier it wouldn't be lost.
(Secretly I know I threw it away on Thursday!)

I switch on the kettle but
Realise that I have to leave
in 5 minutes!!!
Where are my shoes and coat?

"Did you give the big lad his pills?" hubby asks.
(I want to hit him but resist the urge.)

I arrive at school
I suddenly realise I didn't check my hair
Or finish my make up,
Only one eye is newly mascaraed.

I open the door to school
Fix on my I'm in control' face
AND...
The hallway is full of mums who
Look like they've had a full day in the spa,
And been dressed by a personal shopper.

I talk to people in profile
hoping that they don't notice my mis matched make-up.

I look through my notes in a panic:

Has he been naughty???
Is he working hard???
Have we read enough???
Have we done all the homework???
Has he made progress???
Is he happy?

Hard when you're the teacher
And the mum!




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